Scattered Thoughts. Silent Realizations.

Waking up at 7:30 to the sound of kids giggling, dishes clanking, and adult voices talking.

Trekking through the warm, white sand.

Feeling the cool, blue ocean splash onto my legs.

Jumping the waves with Keeli.

Diving into the waves with my brave Aven.
Listening to Keeli read me my Jesus Calling devo in the morning.
Experiencing Aven's soft, giving heart with every smiley fruit snack.

Raw conversations with the adults.

Constantly observing each life being lived in my presence.

Unceasing conversation with Jesus about... this life.

Questions.

Worries.

Fears.

Thankfulness.

Realizations.

Unconditional love.

Learning who I am and who I want to be.

Learning who God IS and who He'll always be. 

                                                             [Destin, FL. May 2012]

[Tulsa, OK. June 2011]

I remember it so clearly. 

Cord was with me that day. I couldn't have asked for a better friend that summer. 

My hands were shaking as I handed the guy $8 to enter the Tulsa Zoo. I was nervous, excited, heartbroken, and trying to trust God all at the same time. I had no expectations, simply because I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I rounded the corner to see Keeli sitting in a wagon. The first time I'd seen her in a month. Her new mom and grandma were standing beside the wagon. I walked slowly, understanding the significance of how I lived the next three hours of my life. Determined to be myself. Focused on keeping an open mind.  

The moment Keeli saw Cord and I, she jumped out of the wagon and into my arms. Her hug was tight and I smiled as I held onto her for dear life. I didn't want to let go, but then remembered that Cord deserved a hug even ten times more than I did. Keeli wrapped her arms around Cord's neck and I was reminded of the security he had been for her as the man of the household in which she resided for two years of her young life. 

I wondered where Aven was.

I needed my Aven.

My heart ached to see Aven.

After a long two minutes, Aven walked out of the restroom with his grandpa.

He saw me.

"Jennie!!!!!!!"

He started running full speed toward me.
"Aven!!!!!!!"

I started running toward him.

He jumped up into my arms and squeezed my neck.

And he didn't let go.

His grip only tightened.

In fact, mine did too. I wasn't about to let go of him.

His words were the sweetest..."I missed you, Jennie. I missed you a lot! Are you gonna stay with us all day here at the zoo? I don't want you to go again. I missed you."

I don't know how I kept it together. "I missed you so much, Aven! And yes, I'm going to stay with you all day at the zoo! Don't worry, I'll stay right here."

After a long hug, Aven saw Cord, let go of my neck, and then hugged Cord just as tight and told him he missed him. 

As I watched Aven hold onto Cord for dear life, I realized again, the security Cord provided for them.

Then I suddenly realized the security I, too, had provided for them during their two years in foster care. Aven had never hugged me as tight as he did that day. 

It was late in June and the first time I saw the kids after they had been adopted. Aven and I had been talking on the phone a week earlier and he invited me to the Tulsa Zoo without even bothering to ask his new parents. I remember being happily surprised when Alicia agreed to my attendance at the zoo day. I saw this as the first step in staying in their lives forever so I held onto this opportunity as if my life depended on it. I realize now that it did.

Since that awkward, life-giving day at the zoo a year ago, beautiful days have happened. I've driven to their home three times. Their entire family visited my family for a day during Christmas break. My mom and I went to the court date that made the adoption official. I just returned from vacation in Florida with the kids and their family.

Keeli & me at the bowling alley during my first visit to their home. One of the happiest days ever. 

Cord & Aven in during our first visit to their house. Playing in the backyard. :)

The kids at my house during Christmas break. (Plus my cool brother.)

Anymore though, it's not "the kids and their family."

It's more like, "my second family."

While we were in Florida, the kids and I were talking. Akeeli asked me when she met me. I told her. She said she didn't really remember and that she thought she had known me forever.

Then Aven said, "I never met you Jennie!"

I asked him, "Aven, how long have you known me?"

His response, "Forever."

Then I realized something else. 

I am the one person in their lives who they will know forever. God has made me the one constant person for these two beautiful kids. I don't know why. But I am honored to be the one they'll know forever. I'll be the one they go to when they have questions about their lives before they were adopted.

It seems that each time I'm with them, God shows me another reason I ever came in contact with Aven and Akeeli. 

Each time I'm with them, God shows me why he placed me at TLC Daycare for over two years of my life. 

Each time I'm with them, God reminds me who He is and of His power to restore our lives when they're broken, cracked, burned, or scratched. 

They don't hold on to my neck as tight when they see me now. 

They know and I know that we'll see each other again soon.

After our Florida vacation, I stayed the night at their house. 

I left early the next morning, so I woke Keeli up to say goodbye to her. 

She opened her eyes, smiled up at me the sweetest smile in the world, and reached her arms up toward me.

As I hugged her, she said, "Love you."

I told her I would see her in a month or so. 

She smiled and nodded and kissed me on the cheek. 

No fear.

No worry.

Peace that only comes from my Rock and my Redeemer. 

Assurance that only comes from the King of Kings. 

As I left Aven and Keeli that day and every time I am with them in the future, I know that I will see them again. I know that they will always be my kids. I know that we will always be a part of each other's lives. We will forever be family.  God arranged it that way. For a reason. For more than one reason.

I love you Aven and Keeli. Bigger than the ocean...bigger than the Earth...bigger than the universe. <3

My second family. Aren't we cute? :)